Lmao - Laughing to keep from crying

[BigBlueArrington]

http://cbs.sportsline.com/nfl/story/9923666

 

 

 

 

Another year of Coughlin? Let the hilarity begin

 

 

Larry Dobrow Jan. 11, 2007

By Larry Dobrow

Special to CBS SportsLine.com

Tell Larry your opinion!

 

 

 

New York Giants fans can't do a whole lot about the embarrassing year just behind them. They can, however, gird themselves for the frivolity sure to follow now that coach Tom Coughlin has been retained for another season.

 

A quick preview:

 

Tom Coughlin often has some 'splainin' to do. (AP)

Tom Coughlin often has some 'splainin' to do. (AP)

Jan. 12: Meeting informally with reporters for the first time since receiving his contract extension, Coughlin stresses that the team must be "more focused" and "more disciplined" next season. In response to the follow-up query of, "You think?" Coughlin solemnly responds, "I do. I honestly do."

 

Jan. 19: After consulting with locker-room leaders like Antonio Pierce and Sean O'Hara, Coughlin relaxes a handful of his most stringent regulations. Players will no longer be forbidden from wearing white socks on road trips and will now be permitted to show up as late as three minutes early to every meeting.

 

Jan. 20: Coughlin orders the clocks in every Giants facility set ahead by four minutes.

 

Feb. 4: Led by Phil Rivers, Shawne Merriman and Nate Kaeding -- all acquired in the draft-day deal that brought Eli Manning to the Giants -- the San Diego Chargers defeat the New Orleans Saints in Super Bowl XLI. Somewhere in North Jersey, when asked by his girlfriend to toss over the remote, Manning overthrows her by two feet.

 

Feb. 16: After Coughlin is denied final say in the makeup of the Giants’ 2007 coaching staff, the team relents and allows him to pick the quotes that line the locker room walls. Exposing a heretofore unseen side of his personality, Coughlin chooses, "If you smile at me I will understand/'cos that is something everybody everywhere does in the same language."

 

Feb. 22: The Giants make a splash at the NFL Scouting Combine, administering to potential draftees the team's famous 272-page psychological evaluation. New mess-with-your-mind queries for 2007 include, "Gold or asparagus?" and "Do you ever harbor thoughts of owning a canoe?"

 

March 1: Michael Strahan, Plaxico Burress and Jeremy Shockey call a press conference to "wipe the slate clean" with coach Coughlin, whom they describe as "an OK guy" who has "a really interestingly shaped head." Shockey promises that never again will a Giants player state, intimate or otherwise give the impression that the team doesn't support its leader. "The days of 'We got outcoached' are over," he promises.

 

March 17: The Giants' non-mandatory offseason conditioning program gets off to a rough start when only three players -- Manning, son-in-law Chris Snee and punter laureate Jeff Feagles -- show up. An admittedly disappointed Coughlin finds a bright side in the poor turnout, telling reporters that Luke Petitgout and David Diehl are way ahead of schedule on their false-start drills.

 

March 20: While lifting weights, David Tyree drops a 30-pound plate on his pinky toe. Concerned about its much-discussed inability to keep players healthy, the Giants' medical staff gives him two cough drops and instructs him to drink lots of ginger ale.

 

April 28: Hoping to address their defensive deficiencies, the Giants snare Arizona CB Antoine Cason in the first round of the NFL Draft. Citing the excessive width of his draft-day lapel, Coughlin fines him $372.50.

 

May 17: The Giants arrive en masse for their final get-together of the team's offseason program, only to find the meeting room door locked. "We got outconferenced," says Shockey.

 

 

May 21: During his first Today Show segment, Tiki Barber cooks up a platter of tarragon chicken.

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June 16-18: Coughlin attends a weekend-long symposium, "The Two-Point Conversion: When Two Is Too Many." He returns looking very, very confused.

 

July 11: A freak electrical storm in Albany leaves the Giants' practice facility without power. Upon arriving at team HQ early the next morning and finding every clock frozen, Coughlin panics and starts a meeting.

 

July 28: Shockey takes issue with the consistency of the tater tots in the team's cafeteria. "We got outcooked," he tells the media.

 

Aug. 5: In their first preseason game, the Giants commit six false starts and are flagged for civil insurrection when Bob Whitfield head-butts an opposing cheerleader. "We've got to be more focused. Disciplined, too," Coughlin says.

 

Aug. 6: The Dobrow family puts its Giants season tickets up for grabs on eBay.

 

Sept. 9: The Giants blow their first two-point-conversion decision of the young season, going for two with a 6-0 lead in the first quarter. A befuddled Jared Lorenzen uses all three of the team's first-half timeouts and two of its second-half ones.

 

Sept. 12: Coughlin administers a sternly worded reprimand to Shockey for nodding off while watching film of the Giants' season-opening loss to the Falcons. Shockey deflects blame to the clubhouse coffee: "We got outcaffeinated."

 

Sept. 23: In the fourth quarter of an unlikely upset at Dallas, the Giants' defense makes its first important stop in three seasons. Nobody knows quite how to react to this, so Strahan snaps into default mode and blames the media.

 

Sept. 25: Frustrated by Manning's inability to see him when he's open, Burress hires Bose to pimp out his helmet with a loudspeaker. After being screeched at on 28 consecutive pass attempts, Manning sheepishly admits to having "a problem or two" with his checkdowns.

 

Oct. 14: Coughlin burns the midnight oil devising a "psych 'em out!" game plan for a clash against the Eagles. Instead of taking advantage of Burress' six-inch height advantage over the Philly DBs, the Giants resolve to run straight at Jeremiah Trotter all game. Final score: Eagles 35, Giants 2.

 

Oct. 15: Charlie Weis is spotted at a diner in Moonachie. Kirk Ferentz signs autographs courtside at a Devils game. Jim Fassel sits home alone, the blinds drawn, playing Hank Williams records on his old Victrola.

 

Oct. 21: A frustrated Shockey turns on the Giants Stadium fans following a home loss to the 49ers. "We got outclapped," he says.

 

Nov. 2: In the run-up to the hyped New York/New York meeting, Coughlin mildly scolds Burress and 18 teammates ("bad Mathias! bad Visanthe!") after they don't bother to show up for the Saturday night walk-through. Across the hall, Jets coach Eric Mangini fines, suspends and imprisons Laveranues Coles for failing to squelch a sneeze during a film session.

 

Nov. 5: Responding to gripes about the predictability of the red-zone play-calling, Coughlin nearly triples his options by adding "quarterback draw" to "Jacobs off-tackle" and "fade to Burress."

 

Nov. 22: In their first Thanksgiving Day game in years, the Giants get plastered by Detroit. Shockey refuses to indulge in a generous helping of postgame turkey, saying, "We got outcarved."

 

Dec. 9, 1:27 p.m.: On a blustery Sunday in Ralph Wilson Stadium, Coughlin sends Jay Feely onto the field to attempt a 51-yard field goal into the wind. The kick is fielded by Roscoe Parrish on the Bills' 25-yard-line and returned for a touchdown.

 

Dec. 9, 1:52 p.m.: On fourth-and-9 from the Bills' 12-yard line, Coughlin ignores the wind at his back and calls for a WR screen to Sinorice Moss. The play loses 37 yards.

 

Dec. 9, 5:02 p.m.: Asked in the postgame press conference to explain the seeming philosophical and strategic disconnect in his decision-making, Coughlin instead commends Jim Finn for a key blitz pickup. Quote-starved beat writers shift Coughlin's nickname from "the Duke of Dour" to "the Shakira of Shibboleth."

 

Dec. 23: With four minutes to go in the fourth quarter of a 106-4 home thrashing by the Patriots, no fewer than 30 Giants are spotted sneaking into the tunnel. Asked if his team has quit on him, Coughlin shakes his head. "Absolutely not." About his future, he adds, "I can only focus on the next game, which will be disciplined."

 

Dec. 25: Hoping to salvage the season, Coughlin reassigns his offensive and defensive coordinators, as well as the team's conditioning coach and the kid who grabs the tee after kickoffs.

 

Dec. 31: Hours after completing another aggressively mediocre season, Coughlin deflects questions about his job status. Visibly bewildered that reporters have no queries about the Giants finale -- a 30-20 victory over the Packers in the 3rd Annual Brett Favre Going-Away Bowl -- he says only, "I told the players I expect to see them in March."

[Storm]

If Lorenzen didn't call that penalty it would have been 4th and 6, too many men on the field.

[Lughead]

that is HILL HAIRY ASS

[Iceman_NYG]

 

Why do I have a sinking feeling that wont be too far off the truth??

[randoff]

That article is funny. A season ticket holder at Giants Stadium wrote that.

[mws44]

We got outposted.

[Lubeck]

The whole "out" joke was running bone-dry at the end but still pretty funny.

[njsmalls]

I lol'd a little.

 

That sounds too much like what really happened this year. These Giants were so stereotypically Giants-ish. The shit that can happen only to this team happened game after game after game.

 

Really, this article is more depressing than funny.

[Storm]

I lol'd a little.

 

That sounds too much like what really happened this year. These Giants were so stereotypically Giants-ish. The shit that can happen only to this team happened game after game after game.

 

Really, this article is more depressing than funny.

 

 

why do you have that romo thing in your sig? our meltdown in the 49er loss was 10000 times worse.

[gateb]

why do you have that romo thing in your sig? our meltdown in the 49er loss was 10000 times worse.

Yeah but no one was making Trey Junkin out to be the savior

 

I liked the part with Eli throwing the remote two feet over his gf.

[njsmalls]

why do you have that romo thing in your sig? our meltdown in the 49er loss was 10000 times worse.

I don't get to see the Cowboys fuck up like that much.

 

I'm taking it off on sunday.

[Storm]

I don't get to see the Cowboys fuck up like that much.

 

I'm taking it off on sunday.

 

 

True, it's always us fucking up against the cowboys.

 

it WAS nice to see terrel owens on the other end of a terrible meltdown.

[Sephiroth]

I stopped reading halfway through.

 

 

Amusing at first, but about 20 paragraphs too long.

[xxi-xxv]

I find nothing funny about that. :brooding: