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Chronicles of Philadelphia Eagles fan on bad day


jranieli
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http://www.etownian.com/103/09.21/sports/chronicles.of.asp

 

A day in the life of an Eagles fan...

 

12:55 p.m. - Three out of four guys on ESPN's Sunday NFL Countdown show pick the Eagles to win. My confidence gets a little higher on the game today.

 

1:04 p.m. - David Akers starts a fight with the entire Giants sideline, only to have Giants kicker Jay Feely come to his rescue. What a great show of man love.

 

1:13 p.m. - Eli Manning drives down the field on his opening drive for a touchdown 7-0 Giants. How does Amani Toomer get open … ever? We can't compete with the NFC East this year.

 

1:22 p.m. - Westbrook scores the game-tying touchdown, 7-7. Wow, our offense is so good. This game is going to be a shoot out and it's in the Eagles' favor.

 

1:48 p.m. - Donovan McNabb finds Donte''''' Stallworth in the end zone 14-7 Eagles. We can win! The analogy, Montana is to Rice as McNabb is to Stallworth, comes to mind. I check my fantasy football score because I have them both!

 

1:56 p.m. - Akers misses a field goal. Grrrr. At least he got in a fight. He is still the best kicker in the NFL.

 

2:14 p.m. - Akers drills home a 37-yard field goal; 17-7 Eagles. He's back to his old self. Our defense is dominating every aspect of this game.

 

2:15 p.m. - Halftime. Giants have 57 total yards offensively. Eagles have 296 total yards. We are dominating every aspect of this game. Let me check out how much a plane ticket to Miami (next Super Bowl site) will cost me.

 

2:17 p.m. - Peyton Manning's commercial runs where he is in a wig and wearing a fake mustache. Those Mannings are just embarrassing themselves left and right today.

 

2:19 p.m. - Tickets to Miami: $450 round trip. Super Bowl ticket: $2,200. Looks like I will be in Etown to watch the Birds get to their first-ever Super Bowl.

 

2:22 p.m. - I switch the channel to watch the Raiders. After several minutes of laughing at Art Shell, I remember how Ron Jaworski handed them the 1980 Super Bowl. I change the channel immediately.

 

2:30 p.m. - Giants kickoff. If we score another touchdown the day is ours!

 

2:36 p.m. - The day is ours! McNabb to Reggie Brown for a 23-yard touchdown, 24-7 Eagles. Let me check my buddy list for Giants fans, it's bragging time!

 

2:59 p.m. - End of the 3rd quarter. Eagles lead by 17 points. Our defense might be the best in the league and our offense can't be stopped. Let's check the schedule; 49ers next, easy win, Packers, victory, Cowboys at home definitely another win with our defense . . . eventually I had us at 16-0.

 

3:05 p.m. - Manning passes to Plaxico Burress to the right for 23 yard gain. Burress fumbles. Wow, our defense broke down and they fumbled. Pick it up, Michael Lewis.

 

3:05:03 p.m. - Tim Carter recovers the fumble in the end zone 24-14 Eagles. [insert expletives of your choice] How can these guys run a 4.3 40-yard dash, make unbelievable plays week in and week out and not be able to pick up a football on the ground?

 

3:06 p.m. - Oh well, we are still kicking their butts. Giants 0-2, Eagles 2-0, this year can't get any better.

 

3:18 p.m. - Jeremiah Trotter intercepts Manning. About time we intercept this skinny wiener.

 

3:40 p.m. - Westbrook fumbles. Ah! Just die Giants!

 

3:44 p.m. - Manning finds an open Toomer in the end zone 24-21 Eagles. Why does this old man have two touchdowns today? Why is the score getting closer? What happened? How can that skinny wiener throw two touchdowns on us?

 

4:00 p.m. - The Eagles punt the ball back to the Giants with 58 seconds left. If they blow this I will probably end up breaking the TV or maybe worse.

 

4:03 p.m. - Manning completes a pass to Jeremy Shockey for 8 yards. Trent Cole kicks a player after the play and tacks on a 15-yard penalty. WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?! These are the kind of mistakes the Raiders make, not the Eagles.

 

4:03 p.m. - Feely makes an easy 35-yard field goal. It should have been a 50-yard kick, but no, Cole thought he was playing for Skip on the soccer team.

 

4:04 p.m. - I check my away message that reads, E-A-G-L-E-S, Eagles!, five Giants fans have ripped me a new one. I sign off.

 

4:05 p.m. - My girlfriend calls, I cuss her out for not knowing what was going on in the game.

 

4:05 p.m. - I call my girlfriend to apologize, she hangs up on me.

 

4:06 p.m. - Tiki Barber, 17 rushing yards at this point, calls tails, finally proving his worth to the Giants today.

 

4:10 p.m. - Jevon Kearse leaves with a knee injury. Great, we are playing in overtime when we should have easily won this game, and now we lose the "Freak."

 

4:12 p.m. - Eagles get the ball off a Giants punt. Okay, I'll forgive you all if you just get us a field goal.

 

4:15 p.m. - Three and out, I hate the Eagles.

 

4:20 p.m. - The skinny wiener finds Burress in the end zone. My life is over.

 

4:25 p.m. - I stop screaming curse words.

 

4:26 p.m. - I call my girlfriend crying, she thinks I am very pathetic and forgives me.

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