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Dear Satan


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I need you to do me a favor. This Christmas season, I need you to really piss God off by doing some horrible things.


First, I need you to make sure that Marshawn Lynch's legs are broken. It's OK, I got fucked in my fantasy football pool, so I really don't need him anymore. Actually, can you make sure Lee Evans is crippled, too? That cockbag didn't do shit for me this season. And maybe Lynch's backup gets a bad case of the flu this week... you know, "tis the season."


After that, can you make sure that the Patriots bus hits some black ice on the way to the stadium and goes careening off a bridge? Try to make sure that there are as many injuries as possible. Actually, make sure that Tom Brady and Randy Moss are both in comas. I mean, they can recover, but make it in, say... six or seven weeks from now.


If you do these things for me... I'll let you have Virginia Giant's soul. Ok, ok... as a bonus, I'll throw in TCBvP's. You can have 'em both.

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