Every once in a while, i have more um, conventional guests visit the villa. On those occasions, I lock away the significant "other," hire servants with less "submissive" tendencies, and have the guest visit. On one of these occasions, I had Sophia Loren over for a visit.

A very nice lady, and a wonderful conversationalist. She brought over a photo album, and I thought I'd share some of the more fun shots/notes with you.

Three photographers spontaneously combusted getting this shot. <giggle>

This is a famous photo, and everyone thinks I'm glaring at Mansfield's breasts. And I have to admit that's true. But people forget that LSD was legal back then, and I had just seen her right breast leave her dress, grab a dinner roll, and devour it. I think you'd be staring at them too, at that point.

Madre dios! The left one just growled at me!

Charlton Heston and I in El Cid. Chuck always strove for realism. Unfortunately for the rest of the cast and crew, part of his "method acting" included using the personal hygiene of a 14th century spanish knight. I tried to remind him that we weren't filming in "smellovision," but it didn't work.

Sometimes I can transfer my nightmares to photographic paper.

"Unwashed masses" is right! When you people discover showers and deodorant, I'll stop walking around with a florist shop.

Here I am winning the prestigious award for...something. I'd look it up, but I think it's in the garage somewhere...

"Ladies first, ladies first." Mongoloids, it's chess, and I have the black pieces. Oh, and those aren't scripts, those are copies of "Chess for Beginners." JUST MOVE A PAWN!!!

Screw you, Britney, THIS is intrusive papparazzi.