keith hernandez is a dick

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April 28, 2006 -- NOBODY likes an I-told-you-so, but . . . I told you so!

Right here, April 19, 2002: "In his growing gig as a Mets' TV announcer, Keith Hernandez has a chance to be good. Very good. Good enough, even, to get fired."

 

We went on to explain that Hernandez is blessed by a curse and cursed by a blessing. Beyond the fact that he's not a trained broadcaster, he's not particularly discreet. If something bothers him, we'll know it. Even before he completes a sentence, we'll know it just by his tone.

 

He's a see it/say it type, which, we figured then - and now - is a style that generally will better serve viewers than it will Hernandez.

 

Hernandez, in that April 2002 column: "I've always been an emotional person. I'm not the kind to engage in calm debates. So I do sound annoyed, a little cranky. I definitely have to work on that; I have to watch my tone."

 

Funny, several days before the tempest this week over his remarks about a female in the Padres' dugout, Hernandez worked the first six games of this season. Then vanished from SNY for a week. Ron Darling moved in.

 

Naturally, a rumor spread that Hernandez was suspended, that during his last telecast he'd "said something." SNY denied the rumor, laughed at it. The schedule called for Hernandez to be off, that's all.

 

And yet, with Hernandez, ya' never know. It seems just a matter of time. Who knows? Maybe it was a practice suspension.

 

So Saturday in San Diego, Hernandez saw something that startled him - a woman in uniform seated in the Padres' dugout during the game. It was startling, and we're glad Hernandez pointed it out and SNY focused on her.

 

But it did more than merely startle Hernandez; it appalled him. And he said so. But which way do we want it? Do we want him to see something that appalls him and not say it?

 

Of course, Hernandez's rush to judgment, his tone and his chosen words put him in the Caveman Hall of Fame, La Brea, Calif. Instead of referring to the female as a woman, he called her "a girl" (in a hair dye for men commercial, Hernandez refers to a woman as - ugh - "a hottie").

 

And before he could ascertain whether the woman had a legit reason to be in the dugout - she's a member of the Padres' training staff - he determined that she did not.

 

And then his apology, Sunday, sounded defiant. It was one of those "sorry if I offended anyone" apologies, rather than, "I'm sorry for offending."

 

He tried to represent that Kelly Calabrese didn't belong in the dugout, in uniform, because she had no immediate on-field official business. But his original gripe was with a woman being in the dugout.

 

Such is Keith Hernandez. He's arrogant, vain, condescending, impolitic, opinionated, judgmental, profane, sarcastic, obnoxious and scornful. And because of it, rather than in spite of it, he's among the best pure baseball analysts we've ever heard or ever hoped to hear.

 

I suppose that our advice to Hernandez would be to better choose his spots, better pick his fights. But if that means pulling his punches or ignoring something that bothers him, we don't want that, either.

 

So SNY should, before the start of every season, simply announce:

 

"Keith Hernandez will be suspended. He will be reprimanded and he will issue an on-air apology. We have made it clear to Keith that we in no way condone whatever it is that he will say or do. And Keith has made it clear to us that he will not say or do it again. For a while.

 

"We consider this open-ended matter closed."